The Change I'm Making in My Life RIGHT NOW

Traveling abroad has a way about increasing your awareness to the the amazing life you have and also sharing with you the benefits of living a life that's a little more raw and a lot more vulnerable. Each time I've been to Cuba, I have experienced an awakening of sorts with expanding my own consciousness. This recent trip was no exception.

7 days without a stitch of wifi or television. 

It was so freeing. I found my mind was quieting and focused only within the present. I loved being out of touch, yet completely connected to myself. I felt like I was in the mode of creation and authentically witnessed creation unfolding. 

When I returned home, I had an aversion toward being on my phone, checking emails and texts on rapid fire. It literally made me cringe. I was seeking the simplicity of connecting with humans, meeting up with them and being able to count on their presence and mine in interactions. 

Shortly after returning home, I got hit with a cold to end all colds. This cold is the pits! I found myself unable to be with myself. I was uncomfortable in every way and I found myself back on the phone in the scroll of it all, taking in nothing, completely disconnecting from myself and truly doing everything I could to remain out of the present moment. 

Since our beloved princess cat, Fira transitioned from her physical life in October, I've been out of touch with myself. I've found myself struggling with the doing the quiet things I love that get me centered. Meditation, self healing techniques and simply being quiet. I came into the awareness that it's so hard for me to get into that space because she was always physically there with me during these times. Even when she was sick, she loved the healings and meditation time. And so did I. 

In my Ego's effort to protect myself from experiencing what seems like a boundless sea of grief, my mind is filled with thoughts, some relevant, many not. This protection is severely limiting my from my own consciousness that comes in the silence, that comes with the space.

This morning after spending most of the night awake with this cold and choosing no matter how difficult it was to get into the slip stream of meditation, it became clear to me that I need to face myself and the emotions that are lurking in the background. 

In order for me to fully connect in to my own consciousness and the spiritual expansion I desire, I have to change the pattern of protection. I have to get vulnerable with myself and I have to let go of the crutches that allow me to hide. 

With all that said, today, I am making the choice to substantially reduce my screen time to 4 times per day, to stop chasing the thoughts that run around my brain and to commit to the morning quiet I've carved out for me, welcoming in whatever comes and honoring my baby girl as an ever present spirit and memory.

I vow to turn inwards, to look within myself and to be present with myself and life as it unfolds around me.